Life on Autopilot
How the months fly by
Wake up, open laptop. Reply to messages. Open Instagram to check something and get into a 30-min scrolling session forgetting what I opened it for.
Check emails and go on LinkedIn again. Start a task I’ve been procrastinating on, get frustrated because it’s a bit hard and uncomfortable.
Go make lunch for like an hour while thinking about deadlines. Go back to the task. Get sidetracked to another, much less important, task.
Force myself to get back to the first one.
Eat too much chocolate to fill the anxious void.
I guess, awareness is the first step? 🙃
Even though from the outside, especially on Instagram, it may look like all I do is be productive, go to the gym, to events and co-working spaces, travel, present stuff & meet friends, it’s still only about 60% of my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for it. These are the moments when I feel most alive.
The other 40% is what I described above… aka unproductive, unfocused, overwhelming chaos.
I rarely take actual non-work breaks to read or even meet my parents, who I haven’t seen in 2 months, even though they live 30 minutes away (feels so so crazy to realise this – I’m ready to change and finally met them yesterday for lunch <3).
I tend to lose myself thinking about taxes, money, the future, and upcoming deadlines.
I go from online meeting to online meeting feeling anxious and need to actively remind myself that there is NO ONE forcing me to do this. I decided to do this because I actually enjoy meeting & talking to interesting people I can potentially help.
So… why am I anxious?
What’s keeping me from being excited about doing things I actually enjoy doing?
My packed time-boxed schedule isn’t because I’m trying to impress my manager – there is no manager.
It’s just me.
So, when I’m on autopilot thinking: “oh damn, I have 4 meetings today,” that’s on me, too.
I chose to do this. It’s not some random tasks I got allocated.
I’m literally living my “free” self-employed life right now.
I could go to the cinema on a random Monday at lunch. I can do that.
I can move to Portugal for a month & work from there.
I can decide to take a day off & go to the park.
I have free will. It’s funny how I need to remind myself of that.
Anyways, here are a few things I’ve been trying out to stop living in a constant state of anxiety about the future and be more grateful about what I do have,
which is literally almost everything I could ever dream of:
fun projects, amazing people around me, a healthy mind & body, a roof over my head, all the tech I need to do my job & creative projects (not a given, very much a privilege!), feeling loved & supported, being able to travel, working for myself, my family being in the same country as me, working out daily with friends because there are so many great workout classes in Berlin… and so so many more things!
So, here we go:
(these are just s few things that I try to do. I noticed that when I do them, I have the calmest, fun, much less anxious, energised days)
Not opening my laptop or phone first thing in the morning.
Instead, making a tea, turning on my SAD lamp (I know! winters in Germany can be brutal) and planning my priority for the day on paper. Journaling if I feel like it, too.
Reading my list of reminders every morning.
It’s a list of statements I’ve built up over the years that really resonate with me. Here are a few of them, if you’re curious. Not all of them may make sense to you, but they make a lot of sense to me.
My favorite one is: “Nothing changes if nothing changes”
Going outside at least once a day.
I probably never had an efficient, productive day in my life feeling great about myself when I’ve spent all day sitting in my pyjamas on the bed or at my desk. I need to leave the house at least once, get a bit of sunlight or see a few people or dogs, at the very least lol.
No multitasking.
Everyone knows watching TV while working is going to make the work last 5x as long and the work will be shit. And yet on my unmotivated days, I’ve done this many times. Now I’m consciously saying no to this half-assed working style - it only adds to the overwhelm.
Also aiming to actually finish & cross off a task, rather than dragging it around with me for weeks (which can happen quite a bit when you don’t have a boss to give you deadlines).
Testing & launching MORE.
I think my overthinking comes from being afraid of doing something wrong & getting negative feedback from a manager or something (which literally never happened in my life may I add so wtf?!).
I’m basically afraid of failing which keeps me from moving forward. So now I’m doing all I can to launch, test and iterate more. It’s the only way to get better.
One part of that is sending out a quick survey to my subscribers to understand what they actually need. If you wanna participate and get a small thank-you gift, here it is (<1 min).
Now, this may be controversial (and please, you do you):
Another thing that’s been helping me be more present is incorporating fasting days. About once every two weeks I’ve been doing a fast for 1.5 days with a friend (who is also my accountability buddy for this). I’ve read a lot about the benefits of fasting & used to do intermittent fasting a few years back.
I actually feel incredible on & after my fasting days. I feel so present, focused and alive. There is so much excess in the way most of us live - too much technology, too much food, too much dopamine - it feels nice to reset from time to time.
On the following day especially I feel immense gratefulness for the life I get to live.
A warm meal. A healthy body. A safe place to sleep.
We only notice how big these things are when they’re gone. And we definitely don’t always treat our bodies with the respect it deserves.
And if I look at my HRV (indicator of how stressed or relaxed your body is - the Apple Watch tracks it), I also see that on my fasting days my stress levels are at its lowest (see screenshots below):
Super interesting. Because that’s also how I feel. I noticed this trend multiple times (of course, not a scientific experiment, just a fun observation).
Changing up my work location 3–4 times a week.
I feel much more present when I’m out & about, not in my work corner at home. So, I’ve been going to 2–3 co-working spaces and get SO much more done.
Seeing other people around me is really motivating. You’ll find me most days at Industrious, Mindspace & other spaces around town.
Is there anything you do that makes you feel more grateful, present & alive?
To wrap up this longer issue, a few facts & dates:
Launch/anyway Solopreneur Co-Working & Reflection Session in Berlin: 10/12/25 - hosting another one!! these are always so wholesome <3
Planning my first LinkedIn workshops & q&a’s! Have a chat tomorrow with a potential tool partner to make them a bit more interactive.
I went to a really cool birthday party where everyone prepared a presentation about something they’re passionate about! What a cool idea! I did one about Calisthenics :D
I did a whole post about why I choose not to offer ghostwriting services (aka writing posts from the founder’s name on LinkedIn). Felt scary to post, but hopefully I will now attract more of the right opportunities.
Also, apparently I’m not a #2 Marketing/LinkedIn influencer on LinkedIn in all of Germany? lol now THAT’S a fun fact - found out randomly and don’t really know what that means exactly :D
Ok, this is already long enough – I wish you the best day! 🫶
Cheers,
Maria